


Hireath

by PXRKY



Series: Angsty Boys [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Park Seonghwa, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kim Hongjoong is Whipped, M/M, Park Seonghwa-centric, Self-Harm, Soft Park Seonghwa, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:33:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29724234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PXRKY/pseuds/PXRKY
Summary: It felt like all hope was lost but it was obvious.There was no hope from the beginning.When He tried to go back homeIt was all gone.Hireath- A home sickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: Angsty Boys [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2196036
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	1. Seonghwa

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Many triggers in this story, please don't ignore my warning about it. This was originally made at 2 am so ignore any mistakes! When I do the ~*~ whatever is in between is a flashback or a time skip. I usually italicize the Flashbacks so it is easy to differentiate them. Since I Also italicize dialogue, I make the dialogue in the flashbacks both bold and italic.

The stars and moon lit up his face that was stained. Stained with tears and blood. Seonghwa, Park Seonghwa, was laying on the grass in an empty field that held so many memories. Dark or light, the memories are truly part of him.

**~*~**

_**"...I'm done."** He felt the stinging that he had become used to by now. The woman he dare call his mother stood tall while the poor boy was on the floor, head hanging low as blood dripped from his chin. He tried to blink the sticky red liquid out of his eye so his vision won't blur as the woman spoke with such a harsh tone. The tone made the fragile one flinch but the words she said. He felt as if he was just gonna collapse or pass out right then and there. _

_**"You are going back to school soon. Summer is over and your fat, lonely, annoying self needs to get some sort of proper education. We cant keep on doing you classes virtually. You've gotten so damn lazy. Also, Your paycheck this week also seemed lower, I've told you not to use any money from in there without my permission. I let you off easy this time because you have been doing much better than usual. But, Do it again and it won't be as light as it was today. You understand?"** She didn't get a response fast enough for her liking so the woman kicked the side of his head. Silence in return but she saw him give a small nod. _

_**"What are you? Mute? Speak up."** She scolded. She used her foot to tilt his head up to look at her. The older woman didn't want to bend down on the floor or get to his level because she thought it was dirty. The none, unclean floors, were stained with the liquids Seonghwa had been used to seeing. Blood and alcohol. His so called mother truly loved to drink her bitter beverages and truly loved seeing the crimson body fluid come from the younger boy. It made her feel satisfied with what she called " ~~Art."~~_

_**"Y...Yes, mother. I wi...will make sure to re..remember that next time i get paid."** Seonghwa finally spoke after so long of not doing so. It could have been hours ago at the moment or even a day or so. It had been long enough to that, to him, his voice sounded incredibly hoarse, dry, quiet, and unstable._

_**"Good boy. Now go clean up. You've made such a mess."** She said as she left the room, leaving Seonghwa alone in his bedroom. It felt as if he couldn't move. His legs felt numb and his eyes could be compared to a camera. Focusing and unfocusing every few seconds. Minutes go by and around 10 minutes pass before he regains the little amount of strength it will take to simply just stand up. He heard a car drive off, his mother had finally left for work. He truly doesn't understand why that woman always takes his money. It truly is odd regarding the fact that they were not poor. They were very much financially stable, actually. Thirty minutes of scrubbing the floors to get rid of whatever seemed unsettling to a squeamish person and another twenty minutes to treat whatever injuries he has. Some injuries hurt more than others but to him, pain is pain. Did most injuries he received hurt? Of course. Would he ever let the person who is inflicting the pain, usually his mother, feel the satisfaction of knowing that it actually hurts Seonghwa? Absolutely the fuck not. _

_**"You've been doing this for five years, just a few more...You can do this..."** He repeated as he looked over everything to make sure everything was properly cleaned. Once he was sure of it, he left the room and went onto his phone as he walked to the place he loved the most._

**~*~**

And that's how he ended up here. Laying alone, quietly humming to the music that was blasting in his headphones and looking up at the stars. His eyes seemed to be able to hold the universe, that's what all his friends used to say. With the stars reflecting on his eyes, it was truly hard to believe otherwise. His head was still pounding, no doubt about that but, he felt more relaxed. Just a gentle breeze making his hair be sided a way it usually wasn't making it look a bit funny could be felt. The grass also moved along with the wind swaying and it tickled Seonghwa's neck a bit. A neck that was bruised. Not in THAT way. He really had bruises from getting choked.

It was truly hard to believe that Five years had already passed. Five years since they saw his father with another woman. Five years since his mother put the blame on him saying things along the lines of Hwa being a horrible child and that he was ungrateful for everything. He found it odd that someone would think like that of him. He truly was an obedient child who was grateful for everything he received. He loved everyone and everything, unless they wrong him. Even when they do, all it takes is at least an apology. Half assed or not. He was willing to forgive whoever it was. Even his own mother and father. He remembers his mothers orders and realizes school starts sooner than he had first thought. 2 weeks. That's all he had. Just thinking about it makes his head hurt more than it was already.

 _"A small nap... a small nap won't kill me.. unfortunately-"_ His calming music was disturbed by the ringtone he set specifically for one person. Each of his contacts had a different ringtone and this one, this one belongs to one of his best friends. With a sigh and a smile he clicked to accept the call.

 _"Hyung! I'm bored. Come over._ " The person on the other line pretty much demanded. That brought a tiny smile to Seonghwa's face and it was like as if all the pain from a headache or the sleepiness had temporarily went away. He couldn't decline the offer. Actually, he didn't want to decline it.

 _"Of course. Is anyone else there?"_ The eldest seemed hesitant, though. All of is friends knew what happens at home because sometimes, when he really cannot handle it, Seonghwa runs away and sleeps at on of their place's.

 _"It's just all of us. We all miss you~"_ That brought a larger smile to his mouth and he started to walk in the direction of the house. It wasn't far.

 _"I'm gonna walk there right now, Okay?_ " He was looking around and at the ground as if to make sure nobody is there or looking at him. He always did that. He was just a bit paranoid from- an almost forgotten situation. Nothing new.

 _"Alright then- actually, no. Hyung, do you want me to pick you up? Where are you? I don't think it smart to walk around this late at night in the dark..."_ The person on the other line spoke, worry laced in his voice.

 _"The field, San. I'm always by there._ " Seonghwa knew that even if he declined, San would be antsy they whole time while waiting. Even then would get told not to do that again by everyone there the moment he arrived. It has happened once.

 _"I'll be there. Don't move."_ Seonghwa could hear the younger boy grab the keys and walk out the door. The others were silent, probably watching a movie or sleeping soundly.

 _"Yes Sir._ " He did as told and actually just sat down on the sidewalk, not moving from where he was. San insisted they stay on the phone until he gets there just in case something were to happen. It felt like only ten seconds when san got there but in reality it was a whole 10 minutes. He saw the bright red car slowly slow down and San rolled down the window.

 _"Get in. Its a bit chilly, we wouldn't want you to get sick."_ He heard the door unlock and the taller just got in silently but had a smile.

" _Your neck-..your head.. Are you okay? Does it still hurt a lot?"_ San spoke as they drove off. San was the most protective of him. Out of the 5 other boys, San was there for him the longest and knew the most about him.

 _"Its not too bad.. don't worry. Can I stay over tonight, too? I cant go home... she's not in the best mood and hopefully she won't try and kill me when she gets back from work. Well- I mean she left for work. And if I get home after her she gets back- I give up.."_ Seonghwa had his head leaned on the window as he watched the outside as they passed familiar houses. San wasn't hesitant on answering. He barely took a second to even think about it.

 _"Of course you can. And I understand. Don't worry. The others are watching a movie right now. Its the usual-"_ The blonde started with a smile as they drove. The conversation wasn't as awkward to them as it my be for others. The short responses and the constant questions. Tonight was a bit different. He seemed to get more words from Seonghwa. Even though San usually enjoys long conversations, he knows Seonghwa has trouble to do the same. Especially after his mother ~~**'talks'**~~ to him. So this, this was truly something he enjoyed.

 _"How To Train Your Dragon?"_ Seonghwa seemed to look more excitedly at San. His favorite comfort movie. He's watched it with the others so many times, they also loved the movie now.

 _"You know it. Ah- we're here."_ The younger had slowed the car down as he had to park it.

 _"I call dibs on the wall side of you bed, tonight."_ Seonghwa smiled as he got out of the car and walked/limped to the front door. The door wasn't locked because they were too lazy to care. Seonghwa entered, took off his shoes, and went right to the couch to sit with the four that were there. He was silent so they just assumed it was San. Once they looked over to talk to **~~'San'~~** they saw the eldest watching the movie with excited eyes.

 _"Seonghwa Hyung?"_ Yunho was the one sitting next to him but didn't even realize who it was at first. He was about to hug him but paused. They all paused before hugging him softly. A group hug that felt so warm and nice that it felt too cold when they separated. San was there too, standing by the couch. Seonghwa stayed silent and just cuddled close to Yunho. Who, in return, gently hugged him back. They all focused their attention back to the movie. They planned on watching the whole show and all the movies. And now that Seonghwa is here, they had more of a reason to do so.

Well that reason slowly started to fall asleep. He hasn't slept well since the last time he had slept over at one of the others' house. That was weeks ago. He knew some of the others were probably sleeping over as well. It didn't even have to be planned. Sometimes they just show up at another's house without warning. The only one they haven't done that with was with Seonghwa. They always know to ask him beforehand so they wouldn't accidently see or do something they shouldn't because they know there is a possibility that it would only get Seonghwa into more trouble. They would hate to be the cause of that. Before the movie finished, Seonghwa was comfortably asleep with his face hidden and he was cuddled close to the tallest.


	2. San's Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this long chapter makes up for me forgetting about this book for a few days.

** San  **

The blonde haired boy was just glancing over at the raven haired boy who seemed to sleep so peacefully. At the moment, the older of the pair seemed younger. Not that they were old, it was just refreshing to see the usually stressed and nervous male so calm and relaxed. 

"Jeez, Hyung. How much longer are you going to put up with her? We all know you feel guilty but.. It hurts to see you like this." He gently placed a hand on the cheek of the ravenette, owning a quiet groan in return. San just removed his hand, forgetting how much of a light sleeper Seonghwa was. He brushed the black hair out of Seonghwa's face and smiled at how delicate he looked. 

"One day, it'll all be okay. It will get better for you one day." He left a soft kiss on the forehead of the other. It's not like San had any sort of crush on the elder. It was just a very very close friendship. Many people might mistaken them for a couple but they both have no romantic feelings for each other. 

> **Seeing his injuries pained him. Seeing the boy he grew up with change so drastically.. though the evening, the stars, the moon, the field, the way Seonghwa is sleeping so calmly after escaping that poor excuse of a mother, all of it reminded him of the past.**

\------When I First Met You------

_San was on his way home from the store. He was around 8 at the time and they past this beautiful empty field. At this point the sun was pretty much gone and replaced with the bright moon and twinkling stars. Since he didn't live too far, he asked his parents if he could stay there for a while. It was pretty much empty everywhere. Nobody really stayed out at night in their neighborhood. Of course, his parents allowed and dropped him off at the side. They told him to be home at a reasonable time and to stay safe._

_He got their and laid down on the grass, staring at the the bright stars. He felt someone looking at him. He sat up and looked around, a bit nervous. A brunette made an appearance from by a bush. The boy seemed a little older than San but no more than a year or two._

_"D-Did i scare you? Im sorry.. I just.. I go here around this time.. I've never seen you here before." The brunette spoke quietly and went to sit by the bi-hair colored boy. The brunette was indeed taller than san.  
_

_  
"Seonghwa... Park Seonghwa." He had such a pretty smile that San knew he would never forget. In fact, all of the features on the boy were unforgettable. His large eyes that held the universe in them, his seemingly soft skin, he was a rather skinny boy and had somewhat disheveled hair._

_"I'm Choi San. I only moved in with my mom recently." He explained to answer why Seonghwa has never seen him before. He lived alone with his mom until his mother finally remarried to a man that lived here._

_"That makes sense. I lived here for two years now. I like this place, much calmer." He laid down to look up at the sky. San stared for what seemed like forever. The way Seonghwa's eyes practically lit up while staring at the starry sky. It made San happy. Not like he even knew the boy before hand. He just felt so relieved and at home by the elder that it confused him._

\------It's Not Your Fault------

_San saw Seonghwa sobbing, hugging his knees to his chest, under the same starry sky. He was shaking. Its been years since the first time they met. Recently, he's been seeing a change in his best friends personality. Though, every time he asked, he would get the same answer. Over and over again._

_"Hyung..? What happened?" The now raven-haired boy looked at the blonde and shook his head. He wiped his tears and showed a half-assed smile._

_"I'm alright. I see you finally bleached your hair." San's expression softened as he noticed the elder's desperate attempt to change the topic._

_After a while of talking about everything and everything, Seonghwa finally told him._

_"My dad is cheating on my mom.. and.. It's my fault." He said with a sad smile. San wasted no time and went over to hug him. He felt horrible for Seonghwa. He knew the elder was a good person. In fact, he was an amazing person. The boy would never hurt a soul. He would take the blame for anyone. He had such a pure heart. Seeing him like this pained him._  
  
"It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. Well- He- Your father is at fault for doing something like that when knowing he has a wife and a child. Okay? Its not your fault." He tried to comfort Seonghwa who seemed to melt into Sans hug and started to cry again. A cry he has been holding back for a while. 

\------No More Secrets-----

> **_(TW- Descriptions of the aftermath of abuse starts here.)_ **

_Seonghwa was laying on his back when San walked to their spot on the field. From where he was standing, he could see the usually neat and clean Seonghwa look disheveled and was sleeping on the grass while listening to music. As San walked closer, San saw that the ravenette had a few bleeding cuts and a bandage around neck. He had bruises on his arms as well as a bandage wrapped around his other wrist. The reason for the bandage on his arm was different than the other injuries, he just knew it._

_He told Seonghwa earlier that day that he wouldn't be able to come to the field that night but he plans changed. The elder has been wearing long sleeves recently as well as turtle necks saying something about it being cold and that he wanted to be stylish._

_San sat by him an examined the boy. He was wearing a short sleeved loose shirt. The sweater he had was being used as a pillow. He watched the breaths of the sleeping boy cause his chest to rise and fall at a steady pace. San knew who did this. It was only obvious that it was Seonghwa's mother. After all, His dad moved out a few days before._

_"S-san..?" He heard Seonghwa speak. His voice was so shaky and unstable. He sat up and just hugged San. Seonghwa knew there was no point in hiding it anymore. Hiding anything for that matter._

_"Hyung, Its okay. You can cry. No need to pretend now, right? I'm here for you." He spoke in a whisper and Seonghwa let out broken sobs into San's shirt._

_\------_

_Ever since then, there was not one day that he would see Seonghwa without any sort of injury. Whether it was a bruise, a cut or a burn, etc. But with each time, Seonghwa seemed to get more numb to the pain. It also looked like he was losing himself. The smile that he used to see from Seonghwa almost everyday was gone and now a rare sight._

\------Taken Away-----

> _**(Mentions of r-pe and non consensual actions)** _

_He's never seen Seonghwa like this before. Never in the seven years he has known him. Even in the seven years he has known the elder. No matter what the older was going through. He never imagined in a million years he would open the front door of his house to a soaking wet and shaking Seonghwa at 4 in the morning. He was grateful that his own mother wasn't home for some business meeting on the other side of the planet so he wouldn't have to explain why his best friend looks like this. The moment he opened the door, Seonghwa collapsed into his arms. As if there was no energy left in him._

_"Let's run you a warm bath, okay? Then if you want, we can talk about it." He said as he helped Seonghwa up the stairs and to his bathroom. He sat the ravenette down on the edge of the tub and started running the water. Again, he hasn't seen Seonghwa so hesitant to strip in front of him. The two have changed and showered with each other many times so he didn't understand what was wrong now._

_"You can undress while I run the bath.. or do you need help?" San asked, voice full of concern. The bath was just about ready by now and Seonghwa shook his head as he slowly stood up, using the wall as support. He could barely stand with how weak his legs seemed to be so San just kept a close eye on him, ready to catch him if he were to fall._

_Seonghwa undressed slowly and San now understood. He saw the marks of not only his injuries from his mother but ones that are there for a whole other reason. Bite marks, love marks, his ankles and wrists had signs of being restrained on them, his back had whip marks and his hair was so messy, it seemed as if it were getting pulled. San's face went from one of anger because of how he imagined what his mother allowed someone to do that to Seonghwa, to one of pity for the fragile man in front of him._

_San went to help Seonghwa into the bath and almost immediately, The latter relaxed into the warm water. He was pretty much almost asleep while San started to clean him._

_"Hyung, wake up. Let me dry you off. I would hate if you got sick, okay?" He spoke so gently and helped Seonghwa up. The water was draining and Seonghwa now was wrapped in a warm towel._

_After a bit, Seonghwa was sitting on San's bed wrapped up in a blanket wearing oversized clothing that belonged to San. He was hugging a pillow and had a mug of tea that h took sips of._

_"San, Do you want to know or.." Seonghwa's voice was barely above a whisper but San heard him loud and clear._

_"I do. but if you cant tell me, its alright." San responded. His voice was so gentle. He was scared that if he raised his voice, the poor boy next to him would shatter._

_"My uncle came to visit me and my mother. At first, it seemed nice. We ate dinner together and for once, my mom had a welcoming smile. It was like that until they started to drink... I excused myself and went to take a bath but- he.. he followed me and- before I knew it- he was tying me to my bed and I couldn't stop him.. Then he told my mom that I kept resisting and she beat me- they... they are knocked out right now. They had too much to drink so they ended up passing out. San, I was so scared. He took.. he took my first..." Seonghwa couldn't even finish the sentence. Throughout the story his voice became more and more unstable. San gently pulled him close and rubbed his back. San assured him that he was safe here and that its over now. San pities the kind hearted boy. He just hoped that one day it will get better for him._

\-----

It has been so long since then and yet. It still hasn't. Though, Seonghwa was able to open up to others, nothing else has changed. But it's a start. And San is grateful for whatever progress is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was much longer than usual. My bad.


	3. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter of San comforting seonghwa:)

"Hyung- hey- Please wake up... It's just a bad dream. You're safe here. Okay? Hyung.." San spoke as he woke up to a sobbing Seonghwa at around 4 A.M. Surely, nobody else that slept over had woken up yet. In return to the slightly annoying poking and shaking, he got a quick glance from the elder as well as a small whimper-like noise as he seemed to try and suppress the sobs that escaped, deeming his attempts fruitless. Seonghwa looked frightened and San could only rub his back, hugging him close. Seonghwa's head laid on San's chest because of a thing they found out in the past. 

Seonghwa was practically on top of the shorter at this point but San and the others have found out that even with his height, Seonghwa was not heavy. At all. So nobody ever complained when the hurt boy climbed on top of them. Who were they to complain about the weight that wasn't even there? They also all loved the warmth of the eldest. The loving acts he shows all of them. Letting him lay on them was the least they could do. He loved hearing the steady heartbeat of the other. The heartbeat reminds him that someone is there, alive, and Seonghwa felt the warmth that he truly longed whenever he went to his dreaded home. 

"S-San...u-unc-uncle...he.." Seonghwa tried speaking but it sounded more like sounds. Thankfully, the younger already knew and just hushed the elder, bringing him closer to his chest. 

"He's not by you anymore. You're safe as long as you are with us, okay? We are all here to protect you. Can you say our names for us, Hyung?" His voice was the most comforting sound out of all of them to Seonghwa. Trying to get the names of his dearest friends to come out sounding normal, he was able to calm his breath and rapid heartbeat.

"S-sannie.." Seonghwa spoke shakily. In return, he received a hum of content from the younger. "Yu-Yun-Yunho..." The elder continued on. San smiled as he kept listing the names of their friends. San, Yunho, Mingi, Jongho, and Yeosang. Their little unbreakable friend-group. The one that all six have reserved a special place in their heart for. 

"Good job. You did it. Now, are we feeling a bit better?" San ruffled the messy hair that belonged to the obvious, still tired, elder. A small nod could be felt and Seonghwa just cuddled closer, slowly shutting his eyes, and falling back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its short. It was just a filler- :( Also! Hongjoongs coming soon!


	4. A Simple Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seonghwa has his first day of school. He hates it- but wait- Who is...That?

It has been two weeks and now, he is getting ready for his first-class that starts in an hour. All of his friends found out that he had to go to school while they were eating breakfast at San’s house so they prepared the boy and told him what he needed to know. Seonghwa was shoved out of the house after he cooked his mother breakfast. A nice warm breakfast that he wanted to be cooked for him as well. It’s a shame, truly.

Seonghwa got picked up by San and they drove to the school that Seonghwa was unfamiliar to. When they parked and walked to the entrance, they saw a group of four waiting for them. Well, Yeosang and Jongho were talking about something, Mingi and Yunho were greeting the pair with smiles, Seonghwa was able to cheer up about the current situation only slightly due to his friends. His friends were the only reasons he’s still alive. It’s not like he minds if they left him too. As long as they are happy, he would be as well.

Walking the loud and crowded hallway, getting shoved to the point where his injuries hurt and having to interact with more people than his preferred bubble. That was why he quit going to school after his mom started to have her little stress relief sessions.

“Oh look, new kid.” He heard as he walked to his first class. He was left alone by his younger friends. He was able to talk to the principal a while back on the phone to tell him things like how he needs his friends at times to meet with him and the only reason he agreed was that Seonghwa offered to only meet up with them in the nurse's office. 

“I hear he was homeschooled for a few years. People say they recognize him from middle school and elementary. They said he was so nice and energetic. He looks so-” At that point, Seoghwa had shut out hearing the conversation as he sat down in the classroom. As expected, he already hated it. He wanted lunch to come sooner. Has class not even started yet? Yes. But that doesn’t matter currently

_ Absolutely not. No way.  _ The teacher was making him introduce himself since he was two days late. Everyone had already introduced themselves on the first day of school.  _ Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck- Fine.  _ He stood up slowly and walked to the front of the class. The teacher said her basic “New kid...blah blah take care of him blah blah blah” bullshit. All eyes were on him. It felt horrible. Like they were all trying to see through him. He bowed slightly and Introduced himself with a fake but welcoming smile.

“Sorry, I'm late! My friend got a flat tire on our way here so we had to wait.” Thank goodness. All the attention that was once on Seonghwa transferred to the man who barged in. The boy’s right blue hair caught Seonghwa’s attention. 

“Excused. Both of you may now take your seat.” So that's why there was an empty seat next to the Raveonettes. Since he was in the back, he just assumed it was an extra desk.

  
The blue-haired boy had sharp features. His jawline and his nose in particular. He was rather good-looking. Apparently, enough to have Seonghwa staring at the boy.  _ He’s... Woa-  _ Abort mission. He fucking noticed. Seonghwa now claims he will die in a hole. He shall die of embarrassment. He looked at the boy’s face. He was- Smiling?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tall hongjoong anybody? I live for it. Hope you will like it too.


End file.
